Sunday, December 19, 2010

All Right

Yesterday Charley was in so much pain he took 2 narcotic pills (maximum dose) and he was bleeding rather profusely outside his catheter.  He can't control it, so I've got blood drops all over the floor.  There was such a quantity of blood and pain that the nurse advised us to go to the ER.  Barb H generously agreed to come over and sit with Sam while we went.  She not only sat with Sam, she gave him his treatments twice, fed him, and came up with some good ideas for taking care of him.  Oh and washed dishes.  What a rare and wonderful person she is!

Anyway, as we drove to the hospital, Charley knelt in the back seat, rocking to control the pain and singing "He's A Ridiculous Man".  He sounds a little bit like Bono!  That was a moment to remember.  I was driving, trying not to have an accident or hit too many potholes, and listening to my poor, pain filled spouse sing amazingly well.  I could live in that moment, unwrapping it, for a long time!

Turns out that his catheter was clogged, and he's having bladder spasms.  Neither situation is really very serious, it's just that we've never dealt with this situation before and we over react, apparently.  Once again, we see the difference between the medical point of view and the experience of the patient!!!!  They think everything is going well and we think this is one incredibly bad experience!

Well-wishers keep telling me "It's going to be all right."  What does that mean exactly?  When is it going to be all right?  What is this "it" that's going to be all right?

Actually, my past holds lots of moments.  They fall into many categories like absolutely wonderful, pretty shockingly awful, sad, painful, joyful, funny and all right.  I'm pretty certain my future holds a similar list of moments.

In fact, today, this moment, "It's" all of the above.  Most moments are.  I think that's why people recommend we learn to "live in the moment".  This moment is so complex that, if I focus on it with all I've got, I still won't realize all of it before it's over and the next moment begins.  This moment holds the whole world.  And that is riches enough for anyone.

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