I have this book, "poemcrazy" by Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge. ("This is a wonderful book..." - Anne Lamott on the front cover. What more can I say?) Copyright 1996 - so it's been sitting in my house 12 years, I guess. I haven't read it yet because I love the title and the recommendation, but it turns out it terrifies me. Poems are supposed to be OTHER people opening themselves up to me and revealing their wonderous selves. I love to do the work of listening to others as they reveal themselves. It is sometimes hard work, but that just makes the moment of illumination brighter.
What I failed to pay attention to on the front cover is the red box (red for danger?) which says "freeing your life with words". MY life! This book has assignments. This book is about Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge teaching me to illuminate myself through my own poems! My Stars and Garters!
Yes, she opens herself up and it is delightful. She is a compelling, creative, forceful, enchanting human being. But then she wants me to... write things.
So this morning I picked it up again and started at the back - something I do when I'm scared of a book. Chapter 56: Sometimes, if things aren't going to fall apart, we have to take them apart. This may be what's heaped in a closet or it may be the way we've been living our lives. Our culture doesn't see the value of this occurrence. When crisis or collapse is happening, it's almost impossible to recognize the unraveling, much less the honor of it. It can feel like being bumped backwards out of control downhill into chaos as we level the old to break out of what binds us and create something new and free. If we had a name for this process, maybe we could see it differently and recognize the forward motion despite all appearances."
I have been in free fall since my father's murder. Maybe longer ago than that. Maybe it is time to spread my wings and learn to fly. For my birthday, I am spending two nights at "Heartland Spa" to learn to knit exercise, nutrition, meditation and self care into a new lifestyle. I need to unravel almost 100 pounds before I can fly. It is more than body fat - it is almost 100 pounds of stress and pain and things I don't want to explore.
Sometime in the next few weeks we will purchase our first home. I am deliberately rewriting the rules of my marriage once again. I think Charley and I are far too interconnected to ever divorce, but we are not happy and I have always wanted a happy marriage and do not see why we can't have one. So I'm changing it.
Maybe it is time to read this book.
The other book I'm reading (one of the other books) is Elizabeth Zimmerman's Knitter's Almanac. I'm carrying it around with me in my knitting bag. I am not making any of the projects in it, I am actually making two other projects: One of them is a hand dyed lace shawl from Lorna's Lace and the second is Elizabeth Zimmerman's Baby Surprise Jacket in a Paton's silk/bamboo blend for my granddaughter, Zora. But reading the almanac is so wonderful. She shares so much wisdom about knitting and, if you are a knitter, it flows into life so neatly. For the same reason I bought Ruth Page's Gardening Journal. But I don't think I'll start that until we pick the house and I have an actual garden!
Musings From a Life Transformed by Unconditional Love
Friday, July 25, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Mommy and Baby on the Water Front
Here is my daughter in law, Cher and my granddaughter, Zora. Aren't they both lovely and adorable?
The Family
Here we are at Kelly Point, Portland, OR. Those are my two older "grandchildren" - Actually they are great niece and nephew, but they asked me to be their grandmother and I was honored to agree. Sam discovered drinking from a bottle made him cool and not at all like a baby! One of the coolest things that happened, although only briefly, was playing nothing much with Charley and Ben again. This time I could keep up on my cuatro!
Friday, March 23, 2007
New Life!!
So last year at Easter we all became Catholics. This year for Easter we are moving out of the apartment where we have lived for over 20 years. We are moving closer to work and Church. The NEW digs are exactly the same layout as the current place. Except - in better repair, with original details like FIREPLACE and Hutch. and no storage... and cheaper. The move is proceeding about as well as moves go. I found the prince of movers.
The only thing that worries me is what will I do NEXT Easter???
The only thing that worries me is what will I do NEXT Easter???
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Resolution
Just for the record, it WAS "Heather's" fault.
I got a phone call tonight from a fellow crafter who has all my stuff. She said that she has disabilities. (I remember her, she did a very nifty u-turn in front of our booth) Her daughter in law picked up her stuff for her. While the DIL was loading up the boxes clearly marked with the crafter's name, a young girl came up and said, "The lady told me to put these in your van." And "Heather" loaded my box and my friend's plastic bag in the car. Regardless of what "Heather's" mom shouted at me, no one ever told Heather to do anything other than stand there with the stuff.
The DIL called the crafter incensed because she realized that they belonged to someone else, and thought her mother in law had "volunteered" her for an extra delivery. The crafter actually put the box and bag BACK into her own car and drove BACK to the church to see if anyone knew whose stuff it was. Someone was there turning out the lights and said the fair was all over. BUT it MUST have been that janitor guy who knew we were right there in the parking lot waiting in the rain for AAA.
Not only that, but no one has called this crafter to ask if she had an extra box - so the organizers broke faith with me there as well.
So this evening, the crafter looked through my stuff and found my phone number and I'm going out to meet her tomorrow evening to get my stuff back. Hallelujah
But I am still very upset about the lack of concern I met from the organizers. I think they have a certain amount of responsibility for making crafters feel safe. Needless to say, I'm not going back there again.
My trust level has gone down a notch. I now know that it is highly likely that I will be separated from my stuff during set up and pull down at these fairs. I will have better signage on my boxes and I will have my own "volunteers" watch my stuff. NO more trusting organizers who offer their volunteers. As someone said in Mass today, they made a bundle. Every crafter paid for their booth. They don't care if you sell anything or not. They don't care if you loose your shirt as long as they get their booth fee. That certainly seems to be true in this case.
I got a phone call tonight from a fellow crafter who has all my stuff. She said that she has disabilities. (I remember her, she did a very nifty u-turn in front of our booth) Her daughter in law picked up her stuff for her. While the DIL was loading up the boxes clearly marked with the crafter's name, a young girl came up and said, "The lady told me to put these in your van." And "Heather" loaded my box and my friend's plastic bag in the car. Regardless of what "Heather's" mom shouted at me, no one ever told Heather to do anything other than stand there with the stuff.
The DIL called the crafter incensed because she realized that they belonged to someone else, and thought her mother in law had "volunteered" her for an extra delivery. The crafter actually put the box and bag BACK into her own car and drove BACK to the church to see if anyone knew whose stuff it was. Someone was there turning out the lights and said the fair was all over. BUT it MUST have been that janitor guy who knew we were right there in the parking lot waiting in the rain for AAA.
Not only that, but no one has called this crafter to ask if she had an extra box - so the organizers broke faith with me there as well.
So this evening, the crafter looked through my stuff and found my phone number and I'm going out to meet her tomorrow evening to get my stuff back. Hallelujah
But I am still very upset about the lack of concern I met from the organizers. I think they have a certain amount of responsibility for making crafters feel safe. Needless to say, I'm not going back there again.
My trust level has gone down a notch. I now know that it is highly likely that I will be separated from my stuff during set up and pull down at these fairs. I will have better signage on my boxes and I will have my own "volunteers" watch my stuff. NO more trusting organizers who offer their volunteers. As someone said in Mass today, they made a bundle. Every crafter paid for their booth. They don't care if you sell anything or not. They don't care if you loose your shirt as long as they get their booth fee. That certainly seems to be true in this case.
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