History

Prostate Cancer update:  Charley's back at school and doing okay.  It turns out that the biopsy of his prostate showed a tiny bit of much more aggressive cancer than the original biopsy showed.  It was very localized and the blood test at one month showed he had no cancer in his body.  So that means he was probably right to have his entire prostate removed.

On the other hand, recovery is a lot worse than we had been told by the doctor and his nurse.  It's a lot worse than most of our well-wishers predicted.  "Oh my uncle, brother, neighbor had that done and it was no problem at all."  I think that uncles, brothers and neighbors don't like to complain to people outside their immediate family.  That is understandable.  But what I don't understand is why the hospital educational system was so misleading.  For example, they told us many times that it would be 3 to 6 weeks before he was back at work.  He was in no condition to go back to work at 3 weeks.  He's a teacher, not a brick layer or something.  He does have to stand all day, but he doesn't have to pick up heavy things.  Even so there was no way he could go back at 3 weeks.  

Even at 4 weeks, it was difficult, but he went back.  This was partly because he was worried about work and partly because he was spurred on by the "3-6 weeks" prediction.  He figured that he was still at the young end of people who have prostate cancer, so he "should" be on the short end of the recovery spectrum.  When he went back to the hospital on Wednesday of week 4, the nurse asked him when he thought he'd be ready to return to work.  She was surprised to learn that he was already back.  None of the other guys who had the surgery the week he did had returned to work yet.  So he IS at the short end of the recovery spectrum, but why in the world did they say 3 - 6 weeks if it's really 4-8 or even 6-10?  That's just one example of their overly optimistic predictions.  The entire process of recovery has been much more difficult and painful than predicted.  Post-surgical catheter care is a whole other story and not a pretty one!

It was actually quite nice to have him home.  I wonder how much of this was due to having 3 weeks away from school and how much of it was the shock of facing his own mortality.  Whatever the reason, we had a chance to notice that we still really like each other!  We spend so much time getting through life that it's hard to take time to notice why we are doing it and with whom we are traveling.

I've known Charley since I was 15 and we've been a couple pretty much since we met.  I'm going to be 60 in August, so that's 45 years!  He really is my "Life Partner."  It was lovely to have the time to talk about that and talk about plans for the future without him jumping up to go to work or to work downstairs on lesson plans and IEPs.  

Life is really hard and unpredictable.  It's that way for everyone of us.  It's easier if you go through it with a friend.

Prostate Surgery

The really important thing to understand, when you are offered DaVinci Prostate surgery, is that when they talk about how simple and easy and almost fun it is - they are talking about the SURGEON'S experience.  THEY have a great time.  Doing this surgery is more fun (for them) than playing Donkey Kong.  What the DON'T tell you is that they blow your stomach up with CO2 so they can see your insides better and THEN they paralyze your bowels so you can't get rid of it.  Recovery is really, really painful.  Then (while your manly man iswhimpering in pain) they tell you that the catheter they have already put inside you will cause bladder cramps which may be mild or excruciating.  "Just expect that".  (Query: Will Midol help?  I went out and purchased some of those menstrual cramp pads that warm up.  Bladder is in the same region as the uterus, maybe the same stuff I used for menstrual cramps will help.  I tried getting him to do childbirth breathing when the pain was really intense, but he couldn't focus.)

  
I brought Charley home late last night.  He was very nervous about coming home.  The pain has been so intense that, if a CIA operative had walked into the room, he would have gladly confessed to killing Lincoln, Kennedy, MLK AND Lennon.

The down side is that this at-home "hospital ward" has no shifts and only one nurse - me.  The upside is that I don't get distracted and I give pain meds on time.  (When I got to the hospital last night at 7:30, I asked around and discovered the last time he'd had meds was 11 am - he was very fretful and not thinking straight because of the pain.)  So Charley is doing much better at home because I'm making him take his pain meds and stool softeners.   Except for bullying him regarding meds, I'm letting him do whatever he feels like doing.  He is going up and down stairs to get what he wants, managing his own catheter and getting himself dressed.  He is also finding out what things hurt and what things he can do.  Sam is better, too.   He didn't get enough treatments the last two days because I was running to and from the hospital and he didn't really like having his parents missing. Those two ladies were not great substitutes as far as he was concerned.  (Personally, I think they were close relatives of angels.)  They kept watching the WRONG shows on HIS tv.  He was polite and charming to them, but once they left he let me know that he wasn't very happy.  A mother's place is in the home, waiting on him. 

So I'm actually doing ok, too.  It is too cold to go outside anyway and we're just focused on healing and knitting.  It was absolutely great to have him home again and I slept really well.  It's cozy and intimate and we're all three really aware of how important we are to each other.

I'm going to put in a PeaPod order later today, so we're okay food wise.  So really we need prayers and peace.  You could add my hearing aides to your prayer list: I have lost them (They HAVE to be here in the house someplace, I just got distracted) And praise: yesterday I hit a really big pot hole which blew out my tire and bent the rim, but I'm okay and I'm driving Charley's car until we can focus on fixing that.  I hit the pot hole right next to a shell gas station and they patched it up enough for me to get home.  There are TWO tire places in our alley! So I will be able to get it fixed without driving it again!

I didn't manage to get all the Christmas presents in the mail yet, but the last few are all boxed up and I'll get to it asap.

Mid Term Elections

I'm not really sure of the origins of the myth that Republicans are more religious (spiritual) and less corrupt than Democrats.  Watergate.  Do I need to say more?  Because anyone who is paying attention knows that there are seedy, corrupt and irreligious people on either camp.  It's the nature of politics, I am afraid.  There are really good guys on both sides as well.  People are, in the final analysis, just people.

I'm in favor of ending corruption and I don't mind tax cuts, but my family and I belong to several "Special Interest Groups" and I'm afraid we have just become expendable.  People with disabilities, public school teachers, home healthcare workers and (Please God) we are about to become members of the "Special Interest Group" called Cancer Survivors - we are some of the people that make considerably less than President O'Bama's often referenced $250,000 a year cut off.  (I guess if you make more than $250K you are in the "wealthy" camp.)  We are the people who need affordable healthcare without pre-existing condition clauses or penalties and a roof over our heads and food on the table.

People don't become wealthy on merit.  They become wealthy because of luck.  For every "self-made" billionaire, there are about a billion others who work as hard, are just as smart and are teachers or musicians or factory workers.  On top of that, there is the added factor of class.  If you are born into a family that has wealth and it is assumed that you will go to college, you will probably wind up making more money than someone else whose family has different expectations.  That also has nothing to do with merit.  This has been true since Mark Twain wrote "Puddin' Head Wilson" and probably true since the feudal system gave way to the market-based economy.  I heard a guy on TV say that birth order has a lot to do with whether or not you succeed.  There are so MANY factors.  Very little of financial success has to do with personal merit.  This is why I believe wealth and privilege SHOULD also include responsibility.  Wealthy people owe a debt of gratitude to the culture that allowed them to become wealthy.

Well, I think everyone should feel gratitude and responsibility toward their community.

Illinois has one of the highest per capita incomes and one of the highest tax rates and yet we do not have enough money to support schools, fire fighters, police officers, bus drivers, etc.  We do not have enough money to give everyone with a disability aid.  It is handed out grudgingly by a kind of lottery system and mostly on an emergency basis.

A government which balances it's budget on the backs of the most helpless and the least funded has lost all credibility and can no longer claim to be "democratic" or "humane" or "of the people".  I didn't know how to vote this year.  The Republican agenda seems to be to cut back on services to people like us, so why would I vote for them?  And yet, the Democrats promise to fight for our needs, but seem to be impotent.

I'm not that confident that John Boehner and his other Republican politicians really hear my voice any more than the Democrats.  Do they know people like us even exist?